Older People's Activities
Arranging the marriage
The weddings described in this section often took a very long time to
plan and negotiations involved both families and many other people. Can
the group members remember who was involved in planning and arranging
their marriage. Make a list for each person of the 'cast' involved in
the whole ritual from start to finish and compare these within the group.
Do not forget the match-maker, the group of advisers, the priests, the
neighbours, the parents on both sides, the brothers and sisters.
My wedding day
Ask the older people to bring in wedding photos if they have them and
to share the stories of their weddings. Where, who and when did they marry?
Ask members of the group to supply from memory the menu for their wedding
feast. This should involve much common experience, as well as some very
special features according to country and culture. Put these menus up
on display so that everyone in the group can enjoy reading them and remember
his or her own.
Ask people to make a list of the people who came to their wedding and
any presents they received on that occasion. Have any of the group kept
things dating back to their weddings? If so, can they bring them in to
show to the group?
Invite members of the group to become the 'couple', 'guests', and the
priest in a recreation of one of the group's weddings, as though they
are in a still photograph. This often helps people to remember who was
there and what happened.
A photograph of Sheila Rakhit taken to send to prospective suitors
A night to remember, or forget!
Wedding night stories can be very fascinating, but maybe invite people
to share these with just one other person in the group first. If some
people feel comfortable with reporting to the whole group (no physical
details required!) this will be a most effective memory trigger and often
a great source of hilarity!
Changing times and customs
How do members of the group feel about the marriages their families arranged
for them? Were they happy to be marrying, and did they have confidence
in their family's choice for them?
How many of the group have wished for similar marriages for their children
and how many have been disappointed in their children's attitudes? How
have members of the group come to terms with change in this matter? Do
they have advice for one another?
Henna is painted on to the hands and feet, staining them like a 'temporary
tattoo'
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Young People's Activities
Arranged marriages
It is striking how many of our story-tellers had arranged marriages. The
young women often did not see their husbands before the wedding day, and
certainly were not left alone with them until after the ceremony was completed.
How do you think you would react to this situation? Can you see a value
in the system of parents choosing a partner for their children? Bear in
mind recent statistics suggesting that one in three 'love' marriages ends
in divorce. Hold a debate in the classroom and argue the case for and
against arranged marriage.
A serious business
Some of the rituals associated with marriage, especially in China, India
and Africa, are extremely lengthy and complicated. Engagement and marriage
could take months, or even years to arrange and complete, with many transactions
on both sides. Often marriage involved the elaborate linking of both families,
and many experts, advisers and matchmakers. What effect do you think this
kind of ritual has on the young couple and their attitude to marriage?
Wedding couple
The most important person
Can you enter into the thoughts of a young woman who has been told that
she will be married to someone from another town whom she has never met
and with whom she will now go through all these rituals? Write a poem
or an 'interior monologue' about your thoughts and feelings, your hopes
and fears. Do this exercise as a young man going through the same experience.
Wedding movie
Take one of the more exciting courtship and marriage stories, like Ke
Wing Pang from China or Josephine McPeppele from Africa and make a storyboard
out of the various stages they will go through. This involves making a
small picture of each stage and writing the sound or speech underneath
each picture.
Bringing the past to life
If one or two older people from different ethnic backgrounds could be
encouraged to visit the classroom and tell about their memories of courtship
and marriage rituals, the class could play these out under instruction
from the older person. Any special songs or prayers could be learned by
the class.
"It was different in my day"
Many of the story-tellers have had to come to terms with great changes
in the matter of courtship and marriage. Try to enter into the feelings
of someone who grew up in a time of arranged marriages and has had to
accept that their children and grandchildren think differently. Write
a letter to an imaginary child or grandchild of yours, explaining why
you are concerned for their future and wish that they would follow the
traditional customs for their own good.
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© Age Exchange 2006
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